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I’m Scared, So What Now?

Most of you know that I launched my book campaign recently. What you may not know is that I am terrified to put a book out into the world.

When I was a wee little lad there were some dreams that I had for myself. One, was to become an artist and the other was to become a writer, then there were little sub dreams like a musician and an actor. I wanted to be a creative individual who had the ability to communicate his ideas via his art.

I have successfully communicated my ideas with my paintings and sculptures for the last decade, but any time I approached writing, it became a side hobby. What I didn’t realize at the time when I was making all the excuses in the world to not sit down and write my book, was that I was scared.

I mean, I am a full-time professional artist, I make art for a living… I’ve faced all the rejection, all the stereotypes, all the discouragement, and yet here I am. I persevered and showed myself and the world that I can do it. I have faced fear head-on blazed my own trail through the wilderness.

Apparently, none of that means a rip when it comes to putting a book out there. Suddenly a lot of old fears started to surface from when I first talked myself out of pursuing an art career. These fears where slightly different, not the same ones I had overcome.

What if my ideas are wrong or invalid, or that everyone already knows what I know?

If you have ever attempted to put yourself out there in the arena and face rejection head-on, chances are you have had some or all of the questions below running through your mind. Especially when you are going to put a performance or creation out there into the world.

“I don’t think I have anything new to say.”
“What if I put this book out there and everyone figures out I’m a loser?”
“Everything I have to say is stuff everyone already knows.”
“I’m afraid this has all already been said.”
“My book won’t be any different from other books on this topic.”
“Surely if there was one book that did not need to be written, it’s this one, right?”
“I’m afraid my book won’t be perfect.”
“I’m afraid I put too much in.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t put in enough.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to forget everything I want to say.”
“I’m afraid of leaving things out.”
“What if no one reads it?”
“What if there is no audience?”
“What if my book doesn’t impact anyone?”
“What if this is a waste of my time and effort?”
“I’ll be embarrassed if people criticize my book.”
“I’m afraid this book is going to make someone mad.”
“I’m afraid of being judged.”
“I don’t want my book to upset my current clients.”
“I can’t say these things about people.”
“What if my friends read it and hate it?”
“What if I sound bitchy or stupid?”
“I’m afraid I’m going to look stupid.”
“What if I get all one-star reviews?”
“What if everyone who reads it, hates it?”
“What will people think if there’s a typo?”
“I’m afraid something will be wrong with my book, and I’ll look stupid to everyone I know.”

Sound familiar? These were the same fears I faced when I started showing my art full time.

So, what do I do with these fears…? I’m not sure yet, but I will tell you this. I am writing this book because it is the book that I wish I would have found when I started my art career, and I believe it is going to be amazing, despite my fears.

So, I’ll oblige and answer each question and respond to each statement.

“I don’t think I have anything new to say.”

Of course I don’t, there are only so many words in the English language and I’m not inventing any new ones. I do however have my own unique perspective and that will have to be enough.

“Everything I have to say is stuff everyone already knows.”

We already know a bunch of crap, but usually when we hear it from someone else’s experience, it makes a difference.

“I’m afraid this has all already been said.”

So what?

“My book won’t be any different from other books on this topic.”

Oh yes, it will, you’re not smart enough to write like those guys.

“Surely if there was one book that did not need to be written, it’s this one, right?”

You know that’s bull, this book needs to be written by you. Even if no one reads this, you need to write it.

“I’m afraid my book won’t be perfect.”

Good! Perfection is overrated.

“I’m afraid I put too much in.”

That’s what editing is for, better to cut than not have enough.

“I’m afraid I didn’t put in enough.”

Seriously, make up your mind. Trust me… You can’t keep your mouth shut, this is not going to be an issue.

“I’m afraid I’m going to forget everything I want to say.”

Only if you forget who you are, how you live, and what your entire belief system is.

“What if no one reads it?”

I’m sure at least Klee will read it, so no worries there.

“What if there is no audience?”

Your crowdfunding campaign is already 70% funded, I don’t think you have to worry about that.

“What if my book doesn’t impact anyone?”

If it impacts you, it will impact someone… write it for you.

“What if this is a waste of my time and effort?”

If you don’t do it, you will regret not spending the time and effort into it. That means that no matter what, it’s worth it.

“I’ll be embarrassed if people criticize my book.”

People criticize you all the time, and they will definitely criticize your book, so get used to it… sissy.

“I’m afraid this book is going to make someone mad.”

Oh well, people get mad over stupid stuff all the time, so don’t worry about it. You’re not a jerk who likes to provoke people, remember that.

“I’m afraid of being judged.”

You get judged every day… get over it.

“I don’t want my book to upset my current followers.”

The ones that don’t like it aren’t part of your tribe. Besides, the book is going to be awesome.

“What if my friends and family read it and hate it?”

They don’t like anything you do anyway, so who cares?

“I’m afraid I’m going to look stupid.”

Well, the book is not going to change your looks… so, get over it.

“What if I get all one-star reviews?”

Sweet! You got a star!!!

“What if everyone who reads it, hates it?”

Then, it’s bad and you should make changes for your second book.

“What will people think if there’s a typo?”

Dude… You are the typo master… if it happens big deal, own it.

“I’m afraid something will be wrong with my book, and I’ll look stupid to everyone I know.”

Everyone you know already thinks you’re stupid and they love you for it.

Basically, the idea is to get to a neutral place with fears. Not running away from them, but facing them head-on and taking away their power. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m getting there.

And… This book is going to be amazing because of it!

If you would like to help me make this book a reality, click on the image below to find out how.

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Winning Is Always An Option If You Don’t Quit

As I approached the gallery I found myself wondering how in the world I was going to get the massive sculpture I constructed up the stairs. I had somehow managed to squeeze it into my car without damaging it, which I attributed to dumb luck.

Luck seemed to be on my side that morning, considering I had pulled into a parking spot right in front of the shiny and unending staircase into the gallery.

Nature Of Being Sculpture By Rafi Perez
Nature Of Being Sculpture By Rafi Perez

I’ve entered the juried art competitions at Artel Gallery a handful of times with varying results. I still remember the first piece I entered, which was rejected with no particular pomp and circumstance. It was laid off to the side with the other rejects waiting for me to glumly collect it, like picking up a child from detention.

That rejection had a devastating impact on my self esteem as an artist for some time. I had just started selling my art and gaining some traction with local collectors, and it caused me to feel like I wasn’t good enough to continue masquerading as an artist.

It wasn’t until several years later that I decided to enter another piece, which didn’t get rejected.

Rafi Perez Best In Show Artel Gallery
Rafi Perez Artel Gallery

The marble steps to the gallery blazed white in the hot sun, daring me to make a move. I had managed to get the sculpture out of the car without damaging it, knocking myself in the head only once.

The only idea that my mind could seem to muster that morning was to pick up the sculpture and maneuver the stairs as quickly as possible. The sculpture isn’t necessarily heavy, it’s just awkward to carry around, because like most sculptures, I didn’t design it to be carried around.

I prepared myself at the bottom of the mountainous stairs, glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and steadied my breath. One false move and all the work and effort that went into my art would be laying in pieces on the forbidding marble steps.

Rafi Perez Best In Show Artel Gallery
Rafi Perez Best In Show Artel Gallery

After deciding to enter my art again, I got pieces into four separate shows, won best of show, and had a solo show in their alcove. I also got rejected two more times, but it didn’t have an impact on my self esteem as an artist. Some might attribute the lack of feeling dejected to the fact that I had a couple years as a career artist under my belt, but I know plenty of seasoned artists who have a difficult time with any rejection.

I don’t have difficulty with rejection because after two years of avoiding art competitions, I finally realized that you can’t win if you don’t enter; and your art is not being rejected, it simply didn’t match the taste of the juror. The thing is, that art competitions don’t matter, but if you want to win one, you are going to have to face rejection. In fact, if you want to do anything awesome or important with your art career, you are probably going to face a lot of rejection and criticism.

If you want to be safe from rejection, then don’t put yourself out there, don’t do anything different from the norm, don’t try to have a voice, and definitely don’t become an artist.

Rafi Perez Solo Art Show 2017
Rafi Perez Solo Art Show 2017

Simply because someone rejects your artwork (or whatever it may be) doesn’t mean that you are worthless. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, and never will. A lot of people avoid thinking about being rejected or losing, but in my opinion it’s a good idea to think about that worst case scenario, and face the fear in your mind.

What if my piece gets rejected? How will I feel? What does it mean?

These could be hard questions, but until you ask yourself and question the validity of your answers, you are going to keep reacting in misery to rejection. The really cool thing about exploring these questions is that you don’t have to react at all, you can respond to the situation however you like.

My answers are less dramatic and devastating since I’ve had a chance to explore this topic and really decide how I want to respond to these questions and this particular type of rejection.

What if my piece gets rejected?

Then it get’s rejected. I pick it up, bring it home and probably sell it at some point in my lifetime. Who knows, it may win a prize at some other art competition… just didn’t suit the juror this time I guess.

How will I feel?

Fine, I have other more important things to focus on.

What does this mean?

Only what I think it means. If I think I’m a failure or a reject, that’s on me. This is an opportunity for me to show myself who I am, by the way I respond. I choose to respond by saying “Well, maybe next time… I got shit to do right now.”

Chasing Fairies By Rafi Perez
Chasing Fairies By Rafi Perez

I glanced around one more time, held my breath, and made a run for it. I verbally counted every step as I ascended the stairs with the agility of sloth in running shoes.

Out of breath and elated that I made it to the top, I stood there gleaming in victory. I then proceeded to scrape and bang my way awkwardly through the front door, hitting my head one more time for good measure. I placed the sculpture safely in the gallery lobby, signed it in, and breathed a sigh of relief.

By the way, it was number 13 in the roster… talk about dumb luck.

I had done it. I achieved something I thought was impossible to do on my own, willing to face humiliation and rejection for something I love and believe in… my art, my sense of fun, my freedom to be me.

Nature Of Being Sculpture By Rafi Perez
Nature Of Being Sculpture By Rafi Perez

Had I given up, after that first rejection it would have controlled me. I would have spent the rest of my life being afraid to face rejection, and I would have been filled with “what ifs”.

I don’t believe you actually fail, even if your art doesn’t get in. Even if you get rejected, or lose… I think you only fail if you give up… because that’s the one thing you have control over.

It’s sometimes easy to give up because things might seem hopeless or hard. I didn’t think I could possibly get the sculpture to the gallery on my own, but my belief in dumb luck took over, and I decided to try.

Good thing too, I won Best Of Show.

Recycled Art By Rafi Perez
Best Of Show Recycled Art By Rafi Perez

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Overcoming Fear and Keeping It Real

Some of you already know that I am a big supporter of overcoming fear. If you have been following my art for any amount of time you may have noticed a common theme of self empowerment and badassery.

Rafi Perez I Am Not An Exit Art Show
Rafi Perez Internal Universe

A lot of people assume that I am fearless because of the topics I tackle and the things I push myself to do in life. The truth is, I’m kind of afraid of everything, and when I say everything, I mean… EVERYTHING.

I think fear is an ongoing thing, like layers in an onion, the more you uncover, the deeper the layers can go.

I don’t think there are people out there that are completely fearless. I think they just handle their fears differently than most of us are used to.

Rafi Perez Live Painting Empowerment
Rafi Perez Live Painting Empowerment

I’ve developed the mindset that I would be more afraid of sitting on my ass and not following my dreams, than letting day after day go by without me taking action and conquering the things I fear.

I have four things that I do when facing a fear:

1. Go to war

Your brain is going to give you a line up of worst case scenarios. Use it, act as if you are giving yourself the opportunity to trouble shoot and prepare yourself for the worst thing that can happen and plan accordingly.

2. Will I regret not doing this?

Simply ask yourself if you would regret not having at least tried.

breaking-through-full

3. Blow your own mind.

Ask yourself four questions that follow this pattern:

  • What would happen if I did this?
  • What wouldn’t happen if I did this?
  • What would happen if I didn’t do this?
  • What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t do this?

It will blow your mind and breakdown any irrational logic you are using to stop yourself.

4. Stop thinking about it and just do it already.

Stop hesitating… plain and simple.

I go into more detail in this video and Klee tells a powerful story about her own experience with fear… it’s pretty awesome.

 

Let me know your thoughts on fear and how you overcome your own fears that may be keeping you from following your dreams.