Tag: Growth – Self-Care and Wellness

Posted on by — Leave a comment

It’s Ok To Take Time Off For You

Recently, Klee and I took some time off to get organized. Honestly, it was not easy for me to stay focused on getting organized. Over the last year, I formed a habit of running around stressed out and constantly putting out fires. As many of you know, we moved at the beginning of 2022.

Along with moving across the country, buying a new house, making repairs, and introducing ourselves to our new community, we brought a boatload of project deadlines. The demand became a little too much, and things fell apart quickly.

Trying to navigate life and all of its hurdles can be hard enough. When things go wrong, they can compound everything else on your shoulders and suddenly feel like an overwhelming burden.

Klee and I are artists, which makes our life and income unpredictable, so it didn’t help that expensive repairs needed to happen before we could open our art studio, our primary source of income. I also had two books in the works that were already six months past their deadline, not to mention the audiobooks that were past their deadline as well. We also run a few YouTube channels which were falling to the wayside, along with a community of awesome artists from around the world that are members.

As things mounted and more responsibilities fell on our shoulders, we felt like days weren’t long enough and we would never catch up. It took a toll on us emotionally, physically, and creatively.

The truth is, we didn’t stop. We hit the ground running and took on even more challenges and added them to our plate. We ended up volunteering on committees and taking on more responsibilities than we had room for. Meanwhile, we were buying furniture and getting our new place up and running to be our new creative playground.

Now, Klee and I are used to juggling crazy, but at this point, it had gone beyond crazy… it was stupid.

Our days were filled with home repairs, plumbing issues, new electrical, building an art studio, trying to manage our art business, running a YouTube channel, recording and releasing podcasts, running an online community, publishing books and audiobooks, holding a large exhibition, releasing music, and navigating all the other little things that come up daily. It was exhausting.

However, it was avoidable.

Many of us are afraid to step away for a while. The perception is that things will fall apart and you will never recover. So, instead, we try to juggle an unsustainable way of living… and for many of us, it is killing us.

Being in the YouTube world, you see this all the time. There are plenty of people out there who, on the surface, have it all and do it all. But many of those people are incredibly unhappy and are putting on a front all day while still feeling depressed and empty when they take any time to reflect. Unfortunately, I was heading in that direction because I was too afraid to walk away from my “work.”

I moved to my dream house, I live in a beautiful town, I am married to the most amazing human I have ever met, and I am doing what I want for a living. However, I wasn’t giving myself the time to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t miserable, but it is hard to keep your spirits up when you spend every day killing yourself to get somewhere only to find that you are no closer than when you started that day.

The truth is. When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t think about the hard work. You’re going to meditate on your relationships and how you lived your life. It’s a hard realization, coming to the end of your days only to find that you spent all your time obsessed with juggling stress instead of just living.

So… Step back now, while you can. Take time off to reevaluate, get caught up, sort things out, and relax… take as much time as you need. Those that matter will be waiting patiently. Those that are demanding of you and don’t understand that you need time to yourself can wait or take a hike.

Posted on by — 5 Comments

How I Burned Out

I’m sure that many of you have been wondering, “Hey, Rafi and Klee, where have you guys been?”

We are officially taking a break.

Recently, Klee and I bought a beautiful old house in Pennsylvania. We have been doing repairs, doing all kinds of things, and getting our studio up and running.

We’ve been recording things and putting them on our adventure channel as we’re doing repairs. The common theme seems to be that we are exhausted. Whenever I look at the footage, we’re both so freaking tired and beat. It’s been emotionally and physically challenging.

About a week ago, I woke up, and I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life. Both Klee and I got a little bit scared.

The fact is that I like to get things done, but when you have an overwhelming amount of stuff to get done, it can be too much for your mind and body.

With all the work that has been happening since we moved in, I didn’t actually take any days off to really enjoy the house. In fact, the only day I remember taking off was when the power went out. That’s not healthy behavior.

I got set in the habit and a mentality that when I get this done, then I can relax. When I get this done, then I could take a break. The truth is, it is never-ending. You have to be willing to take time for self-care, put things off, and prioritize your emotional and physical wellness.

I didn’t do that.

We accomplished a lot in six months. But at the cost of my well-being. I pushed myself too hard.

Enjoy your life. Don’t push, push, push, push, push. A friend of mine who knows all the stuff we’ve been doing jokingly said, “you may do all that work and finally get it done just to die.”

That really struck a chord with me because I was like, okay, so I keep doing all this stuff thinking, “Someday. Someday.”

Luckily, I hit a complete and utter exhaustion wall that stopped me in my tracks.

I love the position I’m in and what I do for a living. It’s amazing. But I know that I can quickly turn it into work that I stress out about.

However, life is too short for that garbage, the best thing you can do is step back and really look at the whole picture. The complete picture is how you want to live your life day to day.

It’s not “I want to get here” or “I want to get there.” It’s, “how do I want to live right now?”

Watch the video below to listen to the full story and my thoughts on this whole thing.

Posted on by — 4 Comments

Are You Too Emotional?

This month has been personally challenging for us… well, this year has been a challenging cluster of fudge. No matter how much we try to avoid negative crap in our lives, crap happens sometimes… or a lot of times. 

For the most part, Klee and I focus on the positive and look on the bright side of things. Even then, there are times that can get overwhelmingly craptastic. It should come as no big surprise that when stuff goes wrong, things tend to stack one on top of the other. 

This is where the last proverbial straw can easily break the camel’s back. 

“That’s the last straw!!! I can’t take this anymore!!” may come out of your mouth or other less PG statements which all mean the same thing… I have had enough.

No matter how much we focus on the positive and look on the bright side of things, there is always a chance of being overwhelmed by negative emotions and dark thoughts. In other words, when it feels like it is just too much, it is easy to lose your shit.

Some people build a wall around this because they see it as a weakness to get angry or emotional. Usually, these people are more concerned about what other people may think of them, so behind closed doors they struggle in solitude while the world around them only sees what they want them to see. Honestly, this is the culture we all live in. It is normal to put up a strong front for other people when you are literally falling apart inside.

On the flip side to this, you have people that easily lose their shit and become volatile. They are so consumed by their own drama that they completely overlook what the people around them are going through. They become absorbed by what is happening to them and want others to feel empathy without feeling empathy themselves.

I grew up with examples of both.

With one person, I had no idea what they were actually feeling so I would overcompensate to try and get an emotional response. I always felt like I couldn’t get anywhere with them, and when I broached on a subject that was buried, they would lash out and get defensive… that’s usually where the conversation ended and I would walk away feeling like I had done something wrong. Most times this person would tell me I was doing it wrong and it was my fault that they didn’t open up.

With the other person, I was constantly walking on eggshells to make sure I didn’t say, do or have something random go wrong because it would set them off. This is where you try and control circumstances in the environment because you want the other person not to encounter a trigger. I was perpetually trying to predict and prevent anything that would make them upset. Again, I would overcompensate and usually cause a situation to become worse. When this person had a meltdown, they usually got upset with whoever was there and lashed out.

The interesting thing is that everyone has these moments, moments where shit gets to you. Some of us have an explosive moment and reflect and realize that is not who they are or who they want to be… many don’t. 

It’s like the social norm is to be either a person who doesn’t allow feelings to break their social appearance, or you are just an emotional wreck.

The thing is, WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONS… AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE ON HOW WE DEAL WITH OUR EMOTIONS. We all lose our shit sometimes, even if you bury feelings or use them as a weapon. The problem is not knowing that there is a big difference between reacting or choosing to respond. I think growing up being called too emotional or that we don’t have feelings is the reason people are not educated in dealing with their emotions.  

Reacting: Something triggers an emotion and you react with a knee-jerk response that is typical of the way you usually react. You tell people things like “Whenever YOU do that it causes me to do this, so stop doing it that way.” Some of these reactions have been repeated thousands of times over your lifetime and are usually learned habits. When this happens, there are usually conditions in place that need to be met in order to trigger it or make it go away.

Responding: Something triggers an emotion and you react with a knee-jerk response that is typical of the way you usually react. At some point (either right away or when you are in the midst of the reaction fog) you stop and take your focus off of the trigger and ask yourself “Is this who I want to be?” Understanding that you are dealing with your own habits and you can chip away at those little by little. You also understand that you have to face the feelings to actually make some headway. This means being brutally honest with yourself. It will require you to say things you don’t want to hear about your behavior and insecurities that you feel control you. This is the hardest part and why it’s easier to lash out and bury the dark feelings. Unless you confront those deep dark recesses of yourself, you may never release whatever is causing the emotional reaction.

Yesterday I shared a motivational artist mp3 with our rogue artists on Patreon. Motivational MP3’s are something I’ve created for myself over the last ten years. Basically, it’s me talking to myself, reminding myself of something that is easy to forget when a particular shit hits a particular fan in my life.

Listen To Rafi’s Motivational MP3’s

I have some recordings on staying motivated as an artist, continuing on despite the obstacles, and remembering that I get to choose my life no matter what the naysayers or I might think. They are my way at chipping away at the habits of insecurity that I may have. 

When you go down a downward spiral of reacting to anything in a negative way (person place or thing) things can easily stack on top of each other and next thing you know, you feel like you are drowning in molasses. 

As an artist, it is easy to feel discouraged, unmotivated, or even stupid and frivolous. We tend to feel lost in a wilderness of solitude surrounded by a world that doesn’t respect or understand what we do or why we do it. It’s easy to feel like you are losing. 

We are constantly just waiting for things to get easier.

I’m sorry, but I am going to be brutally honest with you now… Things never get easier, we just grow, evolve, and find better ways in overcoming obstacles. We form new habits and learn to smile more. We learn to not dwell on the past, or let our negative thoughts (or someone else’s) shape our world. 

It is the struggles, hardships, and moments where we feel we can’t keep going that make us stronger. These are the moments where you have an opportunity to show yourself once and for all who you really are.

So if you have what I like to call “A Momentary Lapse Of Brilliance” that’s fine. Just respond to it. It doesn’t define you. There is no such thing as TOO emotional, or NOT emotional enough… they are both ways of not confronting our own emotional shit.

So get mad and lash out and refuse to let it control you. You fight. You cry. You curse. You punch. You wave your fists at the heavens. Don’t blame the person, place, or thing… look at your own insecurities.

Tell your insecurity,  your bad day, your crappy situation, or whatever else “NOT TODAY!”

I GET TO CHOOSE

I GET TO DECIDE HOW I FEEL TODAY.

I’M IN CONTROL OF WHO I CHOOSE TO BE EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY. 

AND TODAY, I AM FOCUSED ON THE FACT THAT I AM A BADASS.

Then you live your damn life like the badass that you are. 

Remember, chip away… You may only be a teeny bit more badass than yesterday and THAT IS BADASS 🙂