I’m Fine, It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine, I’m Totally Fine

Hey everyone, Rafi here. The story I’m about to share is not an example of what you should aspire to. In fact, I suggest not being like me at all. I’ve spent the last two weeks engaged in a wrestling match with a persistent, annoying cough that’s currently making the rounds. Apparently, this cough didn’t get the memo that I have things to do.

Last week, it finally sent me over the edge. The doctor handed me antibiotics, and in my infinite optimism, I thought, “Great! I’ll be back to 100% by lunch.” I did the responsible thing: I canceled my meetings, put my art projects on hold, and essentially transformed into a potato. I was pretty out of it for most of the week.

By Friday, I felt a glimmer of life. Klee and I drove down to Corry to judge an art show. The town is adorable, and the Corry Arts Guild is doing some truly incredible work. We had a blast meeting everyone and seeing the talent there… right up until my internal battery hit 0% and we had to high-tail it home.

Naturally, I took this “out of steam” feeling as a sign that I should rest. That’s what a sane person would do. However, on Saturday, I woke up, decided I was “better,” and headed into the yard to do much needed yard work. Pro tip: If you are on antibiotics, just rest. I ended up in a total physical shutdown. You might be thinking, that I realized my foul ways and decided that rest was a priority… nope.

Despite my body waving a white flag, the week kept moving because, apparently, I can’t say no:

• The 80ft Mural: Met with the Southside Neighborhood Association about the “Laugh and Play” park. We’re working on a grant to repair that massive wall and bring a new mural to life. Fingers crossed!
• The Elks Club: Another meeting, another mural, and another grant application. I’m basically a grant form-filler at this point.
• The Classroom: Monday rolled around and I felt wrecked, but duty called. We spent the day making art with some awesome kids. It’s hard to feel sick when you’re surrounded by that much creative energy.
• Mural Fest Chaos: In between coughing fits, I’ve been organizing Mural Fest. I’m currently neck-deep in sponsorship forms, artist applications, and drawing up plans to build the “Mural Monoliths.” It’s going to be massive, provided I stay upright long enough to see it through.
• The Night Market: Met with Anna to finalize details for the Oil City Night Market application, logistics, and marketing. Night market is going to be awesome, but at this point, I need to step back.

Something interesting happened while being sick this long that I’ve never really faced before. Maybe it’s because I’m usually always on the move, but my insecurity started to flare up big time. I started thinking I was being boring or a total burden to Klee because I was sidelined. I felt like I was letting everyone down and that I’d somehow lost all my credibility because I couldn’t “do it all” right now.

Because we talk about everything, I brought this up to Klee. She looked at me and said, “No way. You are not a burden and you are definitely never boring.” Then she added something that hit me: “However, I do feel like you do A LOT. So, when you rest, I finally get to rest.”

Turns out, my forced pit stop was actually a breather for both of us.

By Tuesday afternoon, the cough returned with a vengeance while I worked on designs for a new art series I will debut in a September exhibition.

Mind you, I was still on the first round of antibiotics. I spent Wednesday meeting with a wonderful friend and collector who drove into town for a commission, then I pivoted back to the “Grant-Writing-Exhibition-Planning-September-Series-Designing” vortex. Oh, and I had to coordinate the closing for the exhibition at the Exchange.

Last night, my lungs decided they weren’t finished complaining. Back to the doctor I went, and I’ve now been leveled up to “Stronger Antibiotics: Phase 2.”

The moral? “I feel better” or “I’m fine” is a lie told by the part of your brain jar that just wants you to get off the couch so it can collapse in a more interesting location. When your body tells you to sit or lay down, it’s not a suggestion, it’s a mandate. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can’t build a Mural Monolith if you’re hacking up a lung every three minutes.

My Advice to You (I need to start listening to myself)

Listen to your internal “check engine” light. If you try to power through a physical shutdown with work, projects, meetings, and grant writing, your body will eventually take the keys away and lock you in the bedroom. Rest isn’t “lost time,” it’s an investment so you don’t end up on the “Stronger Antibiotics” like I did.

The good news? The grants are moving forward, the Mural Fest plans are solidifying, and the September series is looking incredible in my congested head. I am officially surrendering to the couch for the rest of the week, armed with my new meds and a lot of hot soup. I’ll be back at the easel soon, fully recharged and hopefully cough-free.

Stay healthy out there, and for the love of art, if you get sick, just stay in bed.

Much love, Rafi