You know that feeling when you’re getting ready for something big, and every fiber of your being is screaming at you to quit? Well, this morning, I quit my band Better On The Drums about four times before I even had my coffee. And yet, here I am, getting ready to face the music—literally—at the Curb Market in Oil City today at 2-4 PM.
Over the years, I’ve become pretty comfortable speaking in front of people. Hard to believe, right? Especially since, well into my thirties, I had crippling social anxiety. The kind that makes you break out in a cold sweat at the thought of saying “hello” to a stranger. Yet somehow, I’ve found myself doing speaking engagements, showing off my art, and even running a YouTube channel. If you told the old, anxiety-ridden me that this was my future, I would have laughed nervously and then promptly locked myself in a bathroom stall.
So, what’s my secret to becoming more outgoing? It’s simple: I stopped caring about what other people think. Seriously, that’s it. The more I embraced who I really am, the more comfortable I became putting myself out there. Now, I can talk about my art, share my thoughts on YouTube, and speak to a room full of people without wanting to crawl under a rock. I even bought my dream home, which is a whole other story.
But there’s one area where my old friend anxiety still loves to rear its ugly head—playing music in public. For some reason, when I step up to perform, my knees turn into Jell-O, and I seriously contemplate taking up something less terrifying, like maybe base jumping.
This morning, as I was packing up for our gig, I could feel that nervous buzz in my body. You know, the kind that makes you want to hide under the covers and pretend the world doesn’t exist? Yep, that one. And so, I quit. Then I un-quit. Then I quit again. I think at one point, I might have fired myself from the band altogether. But each time, I knew deep down that I couldn’t let the anxiety win.
Here’s the thing: I want to beat this fear. So, Klee and I book these public gigs, not because we’re masochists (well, maybe a little), but because it’s the only way to face the fear head-on. So, despite my multiple resignations this morning, I’ll be there at the Curb Market today, squirming my way through the set. I can’t promise it’ll be a flawless performance—there’s a good chance I’ll hit a wrong note or two—but I can promise that I’ll be taking yet another step towards overcoming this lingering fear.
So, if you’re in the area and want to witness the spectacle of a man battling his own neuroses in real-time, come on out! Enjoy the music, check out the farmers market, and watch me sweat it out. It might just be entertaining… for you, at least.
And who knows? Maybe by the end of the set, I’ll have only quit the band six times. Progress, right?
See you there!
Rafi
When: 8/22/24 At 2-4 PM EST
Where: 2 Central Ave, Oil City, PA 16301
What: Performance by Better On The Drums
Why: Because it will be entertaining, to say the least.
LISTEN TO OUR MUSIC: https://rafiandklee.com/rafi-and-klee-music/
